Thursday, November 18, 2010

Diary of a Zombie Mom: Entry 1

::Jump Jump Jump:: Look at him loving his jumparoo! He’s been in that thing the entire time it took me to cook dinner, eat it, and clean the kitchen! Oh, all this jumping is SURE to wear him out! I bet we get a blissful 6 hour sleep stretch tonight! We haven’t had one of those since October something.
::baby crying:: What time is it? 11:00pm. Okay so he slept for 3.5 hours, he’s probably hungry. I bet if I go fill his belly, he’ll sleep until 5am!
11:30pm: Milk coma established.
::baby talking:: Is it 5 already?! Sigh, no only 1am. Another twilight tea party in his crib. Should I just let him hang out? Eh, either way, no one is sleeping except for the dogs. Lucky dogs. Hi baby, your tricks are adorable—I love that you’ve found your feet, and can now roll over-- and I love overhearing your conversations with your crib folk; however, let’s hang in the daylight hours. 1:30am, that was easy. He’s totally passed out and I still have plenty of time to sleep before getting up for work!
::baby crying:: Did I even go to sleep? I’m in my bed, but I swear, I just got here! Damn, 2:10am, I DID just get here. Okay, baby. What’s wrong? Why are you so restless? Are you hungry? Nope. You want a paci? Eh, for a few mins anyways. Let’s get a fresh diaper.
2:30am: He seems pretty wiped out. Wonder how far this will get me? Should I put him in his crib or wait a little longer? Eh, let’s try. It’s still early enough that I can do this routine again. Damn! Too soon! What’s up with all this thrashing?! Why is he drawing his legs up to his chest? Why is he rubbing his face with his fists? His eyes are still closed but obviously not for long! Okay babe, let’s try this again.
Wonder what’s up with the restless thrashing body movements. That’s new. New probably within the last 10 days. Same with these wakeful nights! Hmm.. is he too warm? Impossible, I’m freezing. Maybe he’s cold? What was he wearing that one night when he slept 6 hours straight? We’ll have to dig out those PJs and see if they have magical powers! What direction was his head facing in his crib, East or West? Some culture somewhere I’m sure would say that has something to do with it.  Is 4 Month Sleep Regression real? Is this teething? Could he have an ear infection I’m unaware of? Has my diet changed—is it the hot chocolate I drink every morning? I’ll strike that beverage and see what happens. Let’s remember to ask the pediatrician about all this next week at his 4 month wellness check. Why does it suddenly feel like I have no idea what I’m doing?
Wha? What time is it? 3:45am?! Ugh, did I really just waste valuable hours better spent sleeping in my own bed, sleeping here in this glider? Ouch, my neck. Yes, I guess I did. Okay baby, into the crib. You’re definitely sleeping now and I have only an hour before I have to get up and go to work. Damn! What about your crib wakes you up? The cold sheets? If I swaddle your arms, you’re pissed because you can’t have them to rub your face; if I leave your arms free, you rub and scratch at your face—both situations wake you.  And there go your legs again, what’s this about? Okay. Come sleep with me in my bed. At least that way I can stretch out and snooze a bit before that alarm goes off!
::baby fussing:: Okay. I gotcha. You and this night are so totally over one another. What time is it? 4:45am. Sigh, alarm in 15 minutes. Okay baby, let’s go watch the news while you get some breakfast.
::baby talking:: Wow, you are so happy at 5:30 in the morning! How can you be this happy on so little sleep?! I LOVE your big ear-to-ear toothless grins! And there’s another one! Are those all for me?!
::hubs in the doorway asking about the night:: I have no idea! I can’t remember! Look at this happy baby!


  1. Bella is going through some of the same stuff! When you figure it out I will be first in line to try the same thing :)