Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A parent's darkest moments.. compliments of The Band Perry.

My heart is lost.
Or it’s dead.
Whatever it is, it no longer beats.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t live.
I won’t.

This is how I felt this morning for the few minutes I was overwhelmed with emotion thinking about how I would continue living if something happened to Max. As a parent, these thoughts are our darkest moments. I’m working so hard right now to keep him safe. Is it enough? What about when he’s no longer mine to keep safe.. when he’s his own person to keep safe. I want to provide him with all the tools and resources and knowledge to keep himself safe when he’s older. Will it be enough?

These utterly depressing thoughts on this totally normal Wednesday are not totally my fault. It’s that damn song, “If I die young.. blah blah blah” and the part about, “not even gray and burying her baby..”. I shouldn’t just gotten out of the car after the Jason Derulo song. :/